


Bret Hart's Bullshit Life In 24 Hours!

by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Cussing, Explicit Language, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 17:14:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11017890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever/pseuds/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: You ever wonder how The Best There Is, The Best There Was, and The Best That Ever Will Be spends his entire life outside of WWE in one day? In the Hitman's case, it's nothing like you've ever seen before





	Bret Hart's Bullshit Life In 24 Hours!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment.

_**7:00 a.m.** _

It was early in the morning. The alarm clock rang inside the Calgary home of one Mr. Bret Hart.

Groaning to death, the Hitman slammed his hand on the snooze button, waking him up from his slumber.

A woozy Hitman shook his nerves off and looked at the clock close-up.

"What the hell? I overslept?" Bret said in alarming fashion. "THIS IS BULL-SHIT!"

In total anger, the Hitman threw his favorite alarm clock through the bedroom wall, breaking it in pieces.

_**7:15 a.m.** _

After getting dressed, the Hitman was in the bathroom, hoping to brush his teeth.

As he grabbed his toothbrush, Bret grabbed the toothpaste tube and squeezed it.

But somehow, the gel wasn't coming out. Bret was squeezing as hard as he can, but alas he couldn't. He looked down the whole to realize only one thing missing.

"What? I ran out of toothpaste?" Bret raised an eyebrow, "THIS IS BULL-SHIT!"

As a result, he tore the entire toothpaste tube in half.

_**8:00 a.m.** _

Bret Hart was at the Burger King drive-thru, hoping to get some tasty breakfast.

"I love me some sausage biscuits..." Bret said to himself as he felt his stomach rumble.

And then he heard the employee through the drive-thru speaker.

_"Hello, welcome to Burger King. Can I take your order?"_

"I like two sausage biscuits and one of your iced coffee's please." Hart said into the speaker.

After a few seconds of silence, the employee gave Hitman the bad news.

_"Sorry, we're out of sausage. Please order something else."_

"You're out of sausage?" Bret said, gasping in suspense. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

In anger, The Hitman punched out the speaker, rendering the drive-thru service to cease immediately, therefore driving off.

_**9:45 a.m.** _

Bret Hart and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin were busy having a beer while fishing.

"This is life." Hitman chuckled.

"Damn right it is." Steve chuckled as well.

However, the beer Bret Hart was drinking from ran out. He was hoping for more.

"Hey, can you hand me another beer?" Bret said to Austin.

"Sure thing," he responded.

When Stone Cold checked inside his beer cooler, he realized that something was missing.

"Bad news, Hitman. I'm fricking out of beer." Austin informed him.

"You're out of beer?" Hart said in total shock. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

As a result, the Hitman lost his temper again by flipping over the beer cooler and the outdoor chair he sat in.

"What the hell, you sonuvabitch!?" Austin whined. "I could've gotten out of my seat and got in my truck! That's where the extra beer is! You didn't have to take it on my goddamn chair!"

"TOUGH SHIT!" Hart screamed at Austin.

_**11:00 a.m.** _

Bret Hart was driving his car, hoping to make it past the oncoming red light.

"I gotta make it. I gotta make it!" Hitman said frantically.

But before his corvette could make it past the light...

...

...

...a bald eagle suddenly crashed into the windshield, ending the Hitman's chances of passing the street light unscathed.

"THIS IS BULL-SHIT!" Hart screamed angrily.

As a result, Bret hit his carhorn in a full-on rage...

...not knowing that the airbag inflated in his face, knocking the Hitman unconscious for the time being.

_**11:45 a.m.** _

Bret Hart was watching "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" while chowing down on his lunch, which happened to be a BLT with a side of Doritos. However, the Hitman stopped eating for a minute, waiting to hear the details of the next episode.

_"On the next episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Twilight Sparkle comes out of the closet!"_ The announcer said on the TV.

"Twilight Sparkle's gay?" Hart said in shock once more. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

The vintage Hitman anger rose again as Bret Hart took his remote...

...and threw it through the TV, breaking it in pieces.

_**12:30 p.m.** _

Bret Hart was taking a shower. Obviously, a shower was the best thing he needed since he wanted to kill off stress.

"Okay... time for some shampoo." Hitman whispered to himself.

He opened up the Head & Shoulders shampoo bottle tightly...

...only to have it deflated. Something else was clearly wrong here.

Hitman looked inside the bottle and realized that the entire silky substance was empty.

"I'm all out of shampoo?" Hart gasped. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

In anger, Bret threw the empty bottle of shampoo on the floor and stomped on it angrily...

...only to slip on the shpwer floor and break his back.

"Owwwwww!" Hitman screamed in pain. "THIS IS BULLSHIT! AGAIN!"

_**2:00 p.m.** _

After a change of clothes, Bret Hart walked outside to check on his mail. As soon as he opened up the mailbox...

...Bret found out that it was empty.

"No mail today?" Hart gasped again. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

Once more, the Hitman ripped out the hinges of his mailbox and smashed it alongside the cold pavement.

_**4:30 p.m.** _

Bret Hart was at Hulk Hogan's house, playing a nice game of poker with his friends Sting and Ric Flair. This was quickly turning into a battle of wits between four intense players.

All four players began to reveal their hands slowly.

"I got nothing." Hitman said, throwing his cards on the table in defeat.

"WOOOOOOOOOO! I got four of a kind!" Ric Flair shouted out.

"Got myself a Full House!" Sting shouted out as well.

"I got you both beat, brothers! Four aces!" Hulk declared in victory.

Both Sting, Flair and Hogan were victorious. Hart on the other hand, wanted to take out his rage.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Hart angrily screamed.

In anger, the Hitman smashed Hulk Hogan's poker table with a single double axe handle. Sting and Flair were so startled by the Hitman, that they ran out of the room. However, Hogan complained to the Hitman about his poker table being broken.

"What the hell, brother!? That was my father's poker table!" Hogan whined.

"IT WAS BULLSHIT!" Hart screamed at Hogan, which resulted in the Hitman leaving the Hulkster's house in defeat.

_**7:00 p.m.** _

Bret Hart was with her niece Natalya, enjoying the homemade Canadian Bacon pizza she made for dinner.

"This is quite tasty. I'm really impressed." Hart said with his mouth full. He was really impressed of Natalya's cooking.

"Indeed." Natalya replied with her mouth full as well. "Except I forgot to get some soda?"

"You forgot soda?" The Hitman gasped. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

With an angry Hitman on the prowl, he wanted to throw something in rage. But since he couldn't find anything...

"Screw it then. This pizza tastes delicious!" The Hitman smiled down at her niece. So far, it was a nice uncle-niece moment.

_**10:30 p.m.** _

Bret Hart was inside the silk sheets of his bed, finishing out his day with a nice warm sleep.

Meanwhile, his wife (we'll just call her Mrs. Hitman) came in and kissed his husband goodnight, also closing out for the night.

"Good night, honey. I hope tomorrow gets good." Mrs. Hitman said.

"Good night..." Hart mumbled on the pillow.

His wife turned out the light, which led to the couple sleeping high and proud.

But before they could enjoy their good night's sleep, Bret mumbled something to his wife for the last time.

"By the way, Vince McMahon knocked up my daughter." Hart spoke out.

Hearing this from the Hitman's standpoint, Mrs. Hitman reacted.

"He did what?" she gasped, "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

The wife of Bret Hart was so furious, she took the bedroom lamp that sat next to her nightstand, and threw it against the bedroom wall, breaking it in pieces just like the Hitman's alarm clock.

And that's how Bret Hart's 24 hours was like. Just like his day...

...

...

...

It was bullshit.

**Author's Note:**

> Sure, this felt a bit random, but Hitman saying the 'B' word over and over again is quite enjoyable to see.
> 
> Anyway, you're welcome to give me feedback, so enjoy! ^_^


End file.
